So in case you guys haven’t caught on to this by now, I can be a bit obsessive. You could liken my entire life to the operation of a light switch in an interrogation room. I’m either off- total darkness, no interest whatsoever. Or I’m on- full blast with the most blinding light you’ve ever seen. Okay, so maybe that’s a bit extreme, but you get the point. When I’m interested in something, I’m REALLY interested. I do it or think about it all day long. That goes for hobbies, relationships, activities, and of course, dieting. Likewise, once I’ve tired of whatever it was that I was interested in….it’s over, and I typically don’t look back. This can be both a blessing and a curse. When I’m enthralled in X, some people would call me passionate, dedicated, etc. But when I leave it in the dust for my next distraction, most would call me flighty. I guess that’s okay. I’ve spent many hours in therapy trying to introduce myself to the idea of operating in some sort of grayness….it just can’t be done. I’m in or I’m out, black and white.
Why am I explaining this? I’m hoping it will help make sense of my recent obsession with cutting weight. I’m not doing it because I have to, I’m doing it because I have the motivation right now. Since I started power lifting, I knew that I wasn’t really comfortable hanging out right in the middle of my weight class. I had two options, go up to 148 or go down to 132. I’m not the vainest of women, but seriously, the idea of gaining weight did not really appeal to me. However, I knew that losing a bunch of weight was definitely going to affect my strength. My idea (for the last 12+ months) was to slowly lose the weight to so that I could maintain strength while getting closer to the bottom end of my weight class. Enter the black and white mindset. Yeah….that never happened. I’ve never been able to motivate myself to diet or restrict calories “just because”. I guess the idea of looking good in a swim suit the two days of the year that I actually wear one doesn’t really make up for a daily lack of deliciousness in the form of chocolate and pizza. So there I sat…..quickly approaching the top of my weight class. Finally, I had to make a decision. Was I going to lose weight, or was I just going to be one of those people that always talks about losing weight but never actually does? When I factored in my wedding this summer and my long standing goal of competing at 132, I decided to take the plunge….face first. I set my sights on my May 14th meet as a target date and it looks like I’m right on track.
After two weeks of holding steady at 137, I was finally down to 134 this morning. I’d love to say that I feel awesome, I don’t. I feel like total ass. The only way to describe how I feel today is to think of one the worst hangovers you’ve had. Hungry, but the thought of food makes you nauseous, exhausted but not sleepy, hollow, and really effing dumb. I think I’ve said “huh?” about 47 times already this morning. I know it will get better as my body adjusts to fewer carbs and added cardio, but holy smokes. I’m dying over here.
So that’s my weight loss venture in a nutshell. Have a great weekend…be sure to eat lots of tasty food for me!!!