Admittedly, it’s been a rough couple of months. I’ve experienced a range of emotions everywhere from pure excitement to absolute hatred. I’d say I’ve average more toward the, “she’s seeing red folks” side of things. I wrote last week about multiple insecurities that cropped up. I’m happy to report that I’ve performed the preverbal “whack-a-mole” on all that nonsense and moved on. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still scared shitless about the meet and reaching my goal weight, but I’m a lot more confident about the hard work that I’ve put in to this. All will not be lost if the scale tips 0.4 pounds in the wrong direction. And if I miss my target lifts by a few pounds, life will go on. I’ve worked hard for this meet, harder than I have for any of my other meets. However I perform, it will be something to be proud of. I have to keep reminding myself that this is going to be one of those times that I look back on and wonder….how the f*ck did I do that? 10 straight weeks with only a few slip ups (so they were GIGANTIC slips ups, but still few in number). I know it’s not over, but I can honestly say that I’m proud of how far I’ve come.
The next nine days, however, are likely going to be the worst nine days of my life. I’ve gone into craving overdrive. I’m getting 5:30 am cheeseburger cravings. Sunday night, I wanted a beer so bad I could honestly feel the tingling carbonation in my mouth. This morning, I fantasized about every single delicious bite of a DQ peanut buster parfait. The thought of a fountain pop is enough to make me weak in the knees right now. I’m holding it together with a shoe string here, but holding it together nonetheless.
This even looks like a good idea right now. Seriously.
Thankfully, things in the gym have still been going well. Monday was another great squat day. I did 3×1 at 205 and doubled the last set, just to see if I could. Then it was some dumbbell bench and RDLs. Tonight is a heavy bench night and, of course, cardio.
I’ve been in the gym on some sort of apparatus everyday since I wrote my whiny post last week. One foot in front of the other…blah, blah, blah. It has been dumb (yes, cardio is dumb…that’s the only effective way to describe it), but oh so entertaining. There is the fake eyelashes girl that showed up at 6:30 am with her falsies and perfectly curled hair. There was the scary anorexic that was working out in front of me and showing off every tendon and ligament in her body…eek!! There was the skinny lesbian with her biker head band that “lifts” every morning. I see her doing all sorts of curls and extensions, yet she remains as scrawny as ever. Then there is the never ending supply of douchey quarter-squatting guys. I should really start snapping pictures of them. We should create of wall of shame website for gym douches. Brilliant!!